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I spend too much time waiting for the pain to come. Sitting down between Heaven, Hell and the Blues. Drawing lines and connecting dots but the picture never seems to come fast enough. At least that's the way I feel but don't know how to say it to you. Long road and a slow roasting of souls. Cards and letters and names that nobody will ever know. A short end to a week with no time to spend alone. And Darkness becomes a fixture in everybody's life I suppose. It's my Father's birthday today. We haven't spoke in a month or two. I've got him a whole bunch of presents. Just got no way to get them through. Just spent a week at my Mother's house...blacked out. Everybody's moved away. Ain't got a single friend in that whole goddamn town. But I met some people there that I've never seen before. We were all hiding from the morning staring out of the window of no-one that I know's back door. I guess a few hours don't matter this month anyhow. Just wish the dark end of the street were farther away from where I'm standing now. This broke up smile gets me in trouble almost every day. Cracking jokes at the wrong time that are never ever funny anyway. I'm just trying to lighten the air around me. Drop my tears only when I'm tired of feeling low. I pray for a few hours of sleep to bring me back up and to find a new place to go. Straw bones, dirty hands and a crooked nose. Feel I'm sitting out there some place somewhere where nobody ever goes. I hope I'll be allowed back when the timing feels right. Carrying a bucket full of rain. Chewing on a sliver of light.


from John Wayne / Darkness, released October 5, 2010


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