We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Sampler 5: This Is How I Kill My Tears

by Deep Elm Records (Various)

  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

    You own this


  • More Samplers by Deep Elm

not so long ago. i passed out. couldn't move and i hit the floor. i'm badly broken. i know that you will turn your back on me. and then again. i do the same thing over and over again. then it gets to me. i've been through this too many times. you give me heart attacks. you know you give me ten times back. you give me heart attacks. you're stabbing knives in my back. i am braindead. it's because you shot me in the head. and it won't take long. before i break down and then collapse
friend. i've lost another friend. pretend. that things will never end. time. time go really slow. the only thing we know. is that we'll die some day. cry oh cry. cry yourself to sleep night after night. my oh my. dance away the pain that you feel inside. cry oh cry. cry yourself to sleep night after night my oh my. baby maybe. love. love. what about love. teens. lost little teens. waiting for something to appear. but they'll turn into machines. riot. let's bring up a fight. fight on through the night. cause i wanna taste some blood. cry oh cry. cry yourself to sleep night after night. my oh my. dance away the pain that you feel inside. cry oh cry. cry yourself to sleep night after night my oh my. tonight
let the wheels spin out it's all a blur. releasing ever every sense that keeps me alert. and if i fall asleep while driving and spin out. let it go. leave it all behind and die. until it grabs hold again and falls apart. realized that there's no point left in trying. my happy ending disappeared. it always ends the same. this is not a warning. and its not a call to arms. a chance to look inside myself. i meant to do no harm. and if the sky crashed down on you and i. i stop and try to find a reason why
as the light fades down. the picture fades away. cut and paste a story here. our roles are undefined. and if tonight we fall so hard. when all this time we failed. our efforts are in vain. we came so far look at us now. patience now the story's almost told. we'll make up lost time create a new. and in the end you'll see. what you've done to me. now smile as the curtain falls. that's my final plea
under blue skies we live unaware. of greater things that lie above. and every night we engage. systems that make us sleep away. our only chance to see a universe displayed for us. we only look above when we hear of a day no planes would fly. and i still try to find a way. that i can hope to stay. and all this has a subtle feel of something that doesn't need to be here. among these stars all we are. simple things breathing in oxygen. and inching towards the day we die. they say all innocence is lost the day you know you die. under blue skies. in distance and darkness. i still hope to find. something that i can't seem to define. in all this empty sky. night falls. and we all realize the sky's not so empty after all
in perfect stillness. and quiet night. i look out west and just see sky. and all my life. iåve been praying for better days. no longer young. this song's been sung. too many times before. and it's too late. to go back and change my ways. i'll sing this song. a song of praise. of days gone by and better days. as i grow older. i try to seize the day. but i just seize up. you break down my desire. and all my life i've tried so hard. to make amends. mend my ways. you make me content with discontent. you let me know that i am not alone. and i can always rest my head on your shoulders. i close my eyes and breathe you in. and just tonight i want to die. because all my life i've been praying for better days. i need to know if i add up. if i am what i'd always hoped. i feel so small as i get older. and if we take our proudest moments. and stand them up against the rest of all our days. would we be satisfied. and could we say. i am so much more. than the sum of all my parts
like a song that's been sung before. this seems all too familiar. but strangely distinct. this time it's every man for himself. nature's harshest reality. held under water. can we help each other. or is it too late. gasping for air. lungs filled with water. is it over. is it too late. i never meant to hurt you. so delicate. so innocent. so sweet. now i'm dealing with the guilt. the consequences of our independence game. held under water. can we help each other. or is it too late. gasping for air. lungs filled with water. is it over. is it too late
seeing things from another's point of view. hearing things from a whole new you. try to understand where it all began. your roots, beliefs, goals and demands. what if all those words you said were true? words don't lie. what if i played victim? victim just like you. while i can't say that i fully comprehend. i can say that we'll miss you, friend. don't say that we let you down. i hope we'll still see you around
these two loveless arms sit so simple when you stayed over. one night some pillow lines stretched across morning light? sleeping on bedroom walls. you said "i remember why i loved you." i once lied too. pull the covers over us, let's forget who we've been with for only one night. it's only you and me, we could've been the cancer we despise (no atmosphere). knowing we will die on our own
i stood in the doorway staring blindly. i knew you were going to be the death of me. there's no medicine that could cure me right now. i don't want you to see me this way. air is growing colder. days are getting heavier. minutes turn to hours. hours turn to days. days turn to years. how much time do i really have? do i really care to know? what if i could have changed? would things be different? no matter what you got you want it. i was thrown was i deserve. we were lonesome - time spent well
spend the night alone inside a sunday suit. kill a living friend over an upscale look. it's hard to give a hand when i've got only two. don't look now or you'll see me under. with a dirty face i try to smile my teeth. it's hard to make it work cause i can barely breathe. i think it's there but know a little less than i think. and you came through with a likely number. we take what we want. it don't matter where it's from. were two of a kind. and i love you in my mind
i went to the doctor to get my new prescription. all he had to offer were these words on my condition. easy come easy go was his message and the worst one he could send me. all i know is i'm gone and i guess i better keep on pretending. side step my rep is a mutation. undo the regrets of a useless limitation. three birds over head tell me everything is just fine. three threes on the radio clock say i'm on time. i live endlessly it seems and all i want is you. i went to the corner so i could feel my intuition. ignore the warnings so i could feed my new suspicion. and i'm losing steam
i am trying to live for this moment. like a monk who is hungry from the belly within. i am trying to run you're reloading. what's the deal. what's the deal with all this cardinal sin. my legs are heavy like a bad bad bad dream. or the words from some motherfucker from some scene. i don't want to live. the way you want me to live. by the green. i am not going to breathe the air you're going to breathe. it's contaminated. i don't want to live. the way you want me to live. so let me be. we are going to crack the code tonight. with satellites. ah with satellites. i've got a programmer on my payroll. is it any wonder everybody's skills are up for sale. are we just prisoners in the right clothes. this art is built on barcodes. what do you know about it. i don't want to live. the way you want me to live. violently. i am not going to breathe the air you're going to breathe. i said it's contaminated. i don't want to live. the way you want me to live. so let me be. we are trying to live through these moments. like a crow's soul. we all as one know. we are trying to tell you we believe. what's the deal. what's the deal with all this cardinal sin. my legs are heavy like a bad dream. or some think-tank's decision to green-light the disease
i don't care what their money says. i don't care what your body says. i want a riot. of the heart of the brain and soul. some pull up weeds without a plan. i want a riot. i want a riot. if we're better off baroque in a row. explain the gold at the end of the road. you'd be a martyr. if i'm on then we're good to go. if i err then we can't get it all. you are a writer. you are a writer. you know you look good in white. you know you look good all the time. and now you cut through the haze. singing freedom. and now you cut through the hate. singing freedom. red color's not coming off. and for that i give thanks
i sketched dots while viewing a transatlantic leave the ocean. i sketched dots and glued pieces together as i imagined them. little daily victories that don't need to be told. interrupt photos with eyes that drift to sea. a camera obscure. a decision made home. friday sets a previous encounter. in the snow i ask questions. lines draw figures of paper. i believe they are real. actions within old telephones. coins that drop way too fast. blindfold the leaves so they drop on my chest now it's time. a million sparks set the timing for flights that departure now
white stars enclosed in glasses like to disappear as carved in the pulse of my artery that won't stop beating in four times i guess that's because reason is clocked in at unbelievable speed mesh liquid forms that connect intact shells mechanoid diversification i'm in the first bin i told you this is the first selection and timeless reclusion in ice triggers (stability) so that abilities are (proven indefinite) i still need electricity to feel eligible in here (i know) need elec(tricity) to feel eligible
the greatest visions. from all your catalogues. on token pictures. and blurry photographs. no ark to save those who didn't last. under water in your science labs. on top of the world. you're on top of the world. so now just train my eyes. and name our wars. the safe addiction. and plastic autocrats. arms been saved. for the bitter ends. you know we're waiting. for your skies to land. on top of the world. you're on top of the world. now they're by your side. now we're on your side
you loved your dolphins til you fell. for standard-bearers' charm. but now it's time to pass. and your old transmitter's crashed. but that's just stupid. enslaving thoughts. how to make your story short. to be better off alone. it better not be so. one thousand hatchets. in your bags. on asphalt along the line. you mistook your censored hopes. for no-admittance zones. and now your sacrifice is a sham. you did not quite come up to them. so you're better off unknown. it better not be so. but this is where it has to start. in a minefield in a trap. in a sailplane off the ground. with a new transmitter's sound. and while doctors offer stress. brainwash mags and tests. you better not be home. it better not be so. it better not be so
cover yourself with everything you can just to walk outside buried inside, an artificial tan with everything to hide positive this can't be right well january's cold and february's colder but i can't stand to hold her anymore and now that i am older i wish that i had told her cut yourself free please abandon me before things get really bad don't blame yourself for my curiosity i swear it's not your fault a trial and error tragedy with these bitter tears i swear they're filled with salt positive this can't be right
try as you will you can't escape your past given everything you ever wanted i never will understand your life well not this time have you ever had to fight for anything mother pays your rent and daddy bought your car with the money that they've spent it sure did get you far what's your life when everything is so fake what's your life you're an expert on everything you're so fake everything is just a game


Deep Elm's fifth sampler is undoubtedly one of our strongest ever. This ain't no wussy "woe is me" sampler...hell no. It features 20 blistering rock songs from nearly all the bands comprising our 2004 touring roster. Two songs each, back-to-back, to give you a real kick in the arse. Every new release in the Deep Elm catalog is featured - they are all here. This is our way of saying thanks to all the fans (new and old) that support Deep Elm throughout the world...and that means You. (DER-430)

"Deep Elm is one of those labels that means the world to the people that buy their records. When reading their press releases and liner notes you really get the impression that this is a label in it purely for the music, an admirable quality indeed in today's industry. This is strengthened by the fact that This Is How I Kill My Tears is totally free. Much like the label's acclaimed Emo Diaries compilations, the quality of acts on offer here is high, raging from post hardcore anthems (Sounds Like Violence) to piano laced rock goodness (Desert City Soundtrack). You know what to do." - Big Cheese

"This Is How I Kill My Tears is one of the strongest samplers that Deep Elm has ever released. It features established acts like Desert City Soundtrack, Slowride, Red Animal War, Settlefish, Surrounded (one of my personal faves) and Benton Falls, as well as new bands such as Sounds Like Violence, Fire Divine, Burns Out Bright and Lock And Key. In particular, the four new bands give me the impression that there are amazing things on the way from Deep Elm this year as they all managed to blow me away. Two songs by each band and the best thing is that this sampler is for free!" - Voice Of Reason

"This Is How I Kill My Tears features 20 amazing rock songs from the 2004 Deep Elm roster. Not only can you hear the latest from Slowride, Settlefish, Benton Falls, Surrounded and Desert City Soundtrack, but also yet to be released songs Red Animal War, Sounds Like Violence, Fire Divine, Lock And Key and Burns Out Bright. This is filled with different styles of rock, from the catchy and melodic Fire Divine and Burns Out Bright, to the post-hardcore of Sounds Like Violence and Lock And Key, to the indie rock of Slowride and the chaotic and dark Red Animal War. If you're a fan, or if you're a curious person who likes real indie rock, check out Deep Elm to get this sampler for free. I bet you can't find a better indie rock compilation out there right now." - Truepunk

"Most samplers only serve to prove how most record labels have a handful of good bands and spend the rest of their resources on releasing garbage. Not the case with Deep Elm Records. Documenting the best indie bands for eight years, this label from Charlotte, NC is notorious for quality all around. So you're not sure about this so-called emo genre? Shitty mall punk bands getting you down? Look no further than This Is How I Kill My Tears. From the dark throb of Desert City Soundtrack to the ground breaking indie rock of Sounds Like Violence, not to mention rock stalwarts like Red Animal War, Benton Falls and newbies Burns Out Bright, this sampler is the comprehensive resource to prove what heights indie rock can still ascend." - Flex Your Head



released March 15, 2005


all rights reserved



Deep Elm Records

With nearly 280 releases in its catalog, fiercely independent Deep Elm Records continues to build a better label - one that operates for glory, not gold. Deep Elm is about bands and fans coming together as one and experiencing music's awesome ability to inspire, comfort and console. We're not just making music together, we're making history. Dream / Create / Record / Release - Now for 27 Years. ... more

contact / help

Contact Deep Elm Records

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account