Chapter 5: I Guess This Is Goodbye

by The Emo Diaries

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just waiting for a day away. somehow i've fallen from your grace. pretending all things are okay. and everything you should have said. now i waste my time. while i'm waiting for you to break these ties. and you know its only you. when i say it's only truth i speak. i speak. i don't want to go away from you. i can't follow suit displaying the truth. but it's better if i just forget because i can't see. you can walk away and i can't leave. creating tales to numb the pain. a simple story to regain. the stable center i gave up. so simple and so delicate. a face that screams aloud. i'm still waiting for you to break these ties
don't say a word. it's not like someone's listening. it's not your fault. this world ain't working with you. since when were we so bad at everything. and everyone is laughing pointing fingers at me. i've got direction. and insurrection. holding me. my world is wrong and i'm waiting again. you came to me last in a dream my friend. i've got it all. i've got direction. got it all. and insurrection. holding me
calculus geometry. under irish eyes and italian skin. holding up by pins within. lies an aging heart. still lined in kind. maybe lonely by design. dreams of almond eyes and olive skin. sweet but always cursed to sin. sets a golden smile. beaming blinding bright. a day to fool this dream in sight. and maybe it's a sign. when good has lost all its comfort. and home where you find the reason. why your loves meant to be holding on. and on that golden day with the stars in line. a scorpio will corrupt the taurus sign. and take back six words that he'd never dreamt he'd say. i put all those thoughts away. but if it sparks devotion when the sweetest notion. sugars then dissolves with blank emotion. mail you boxed protected by a heart of styrofoam. and blindly find your way back home. like you're showing signs and a sense of maturity. still you turn it on for me. you do it awfully. like you're giving back to me signs of eternity. still you don't know what it means. you do it awfully
shattered dreams by broken trust promises. shattered dreams by broken trust. frosty roads will carry me home. earth moving laughing hard. laughing hard but i protest. things haven't gone the way i would have hoped. (in my life) under the knife i will go. (i'm surrounded by) heal me angel i ask. (your lies) this burning is too much to bear. pat my back for a job well done. i'll take my seat and wait for the sun. to move me from this place. earth moving laughing hard. laughing hard but i protest. i've yet to crack a smile that wasn't forced. do you think what i ask is unfair. is it too much to ask that you care. i know you don't care
twenty thousand is a perfect number. they sit together you and me. i've been crawling on the carpet for four hours now. burning holes in my knees for your hand. you are my red-faced girl. dark hair darkest eyes. who wishes she had darker skin. i hope when it turns midnight. you don't leave me when the sunny lights are gone. i'll be cold in the room at the window all alone. when your car starts for the forty-nine. i don't want to take your hand. i'll take your way of life away and then. where the drums are you won't be welcome. i missed the ship that took them back. all the way across the ocean. but your family came from here. but i didn't sail here to destroy you. i came all the way across the ocean just to hold you. the a.i.m. won't support me. because i don't look like them to them
like a poet out of 1963. who planned on tides. the juneau tide. your arms were held outstretched. and you're all consumed by sun. as time drifts away. on your summer days. you're dying for it. your dignity. and what's naive got to do with me. your bombshell bunkers. where sappers can't find out. and we all have shells. we all have. honey said it's time for me to go and i'll be fine. you can't tell me anything that i don't already know. so what's your wisdom
ringing chimes betray your crimes against my heart. every time it ends i die but i'll never be the same as you. remember the empty bottles a fool. it's where we declared our freedom. now tell me what you need to feel real. i could never quite tell just how you built your cell. so well. could we pass each other once again it smothers me. as the chimes ring from your soul. for one more distant sea i. from all this blistering there's two more empty bottles. the passion of war goes. the sounds of wounds in the breezes. now empty goodbyes fall on. empty for life of shame. can we drink the tears to remedy what you feel inside. when all the days have fallen away. shine the moon. steady my peace. i'll stumble into your gravity carrying me. to your silver truth
you're my life line. the ones i turn too. for all that it's a phase of three years. just don't touch or look at me. the restraints drive me to pull farther in the other direction. just don't touch or look at me. regardless i love your faults and all. i know i don't make it easy. and i'm sorry i throw things when i'm mad. it cuts my heart to think i'm the reason you cry. i'm not the model child well touche. think deeper than the words. feel what i'm saying. your job is almost over. you've raised me well. it's time now to hand over the reigns. it's time now. it seems like the people you live with should know you better than anybody else. why does it seem like it's the hardest to act real around your own family. it's sad we don't even know each other. where did you go. that time you got in a fight with mom. you're such a failure. waste of time. i'm not immature. that's you always craving all the attention. just leave me alone. i don't fucking care anymore about your day. no i don't care anymore. i'm sorry its not like when i was small. i'm sorry i changed. it's never going to be okay. stop trying to make me go back to the way it was (the last time we tried this we fought all day. you yelled my name. a tv on the couch. these late nights. this show sucks. half full cup. half empty plate. right and it's not like i don't try to make them happy. and be worth while. cause its not worth my time. and why do they always leave the bathroom door open. it's not worth my while. let's go. i am on this couch all alone. i'm tired of the times i cry all night. i don't know what else i can do. so now)
i feel happy and i should. because what's perfect must be good. i want to be here. first off relieving pressure from the beginning. it begins now. second to nothing is your fear of forever and ever her. accentuate so i can hear you. what can i say. i'll give your heart a rest. there is something you can add to your question. but when you're moving i realize. i'll give your heart a rest. what can i say. accentuate so i can hear. this is it
all the details that i see. aren't as real as they try to be. try to shove my head deeper in my arms. to forget i saw your fake-ass charm. and i don't know it. but i should. take warning cuz i could. lose it for good. saccharine sweet lying next to me. manipulation eyes up and down my body. i think i'll lose something that i did not have. but its much more than that. now i'm sitting here on my couch. wash out my mouth and try not to laugh. count the seconds on the thin hand of time. smaller than they've ever been
this is the new everything. and whatever was is whatever. now i sing for you. this has turned me upside down. now i see. you've saved me from myself. i didn't know this could be so powerful
dove-like stares. so blank. so long like prayers. that never filled your self-made hole inside our hearts. so don't you talk? no, no. don't you feel? no, no. don't you hurt? no, no. this is not what you believed in. down these stairs we had our fun i swear. we've got more feelings in our lost and lonely hearts. so don't you talk about it? don't you feel some doubt. and don't it hurt? god protect. is this not what you believed in? i was denied tonight. so let's just hold our hands out. everyone is down. so far so in-between. does every girl think the same? hon, take care, i heard the news, i'm scared. they said the sky was bright, brilliant with our cause. but don't you talk to him and don't you feel something and don't you hurt ever? this is not what you believed in. i was denied tonight


"Deep Elm really should be praised for this series of comps. Not only do they bring a lot of new bands some much needed attention, but all the tracks are previously unreleased. The album includes the rather Jawbreaker like Slowride, a great track from The White Octave, the screamed anger of Cast Aside and expansive soundscape that Benji produce -- all of which get the thumbs up from me. Another essential purchase for all you emo kids." - Scanner

"The Emo Diaries is probably one of the best series of all time. It documents the progression of a movement. All songs are previously unreleased which makes the Diaries even more special. Each chapter in the series concentrates on new bands, not hype, just music. On I Guess This Is Goodbye: Chapter 5, The White Octave is amazing, Sunfactor and The Walt Lariat are quality bands as well. There is already a Chapter 6 in the works, and I see no reason to stop. If it ain't broke, don't fix it." - Interference

"One of my favorite labels come out tops again with another amazing chapter to their ongoing Emo Diaries series. This one's just as good as the last one but has The White Octave on it who are absolutely stunning. Other bands rocking my world and this comp are Sunfactor, who always amazes me how better they seem to get, Eniac, who play the emo thing for a while before jumping up and grabbing you with an absolute stunner of a hook, and Cast Aside, who manage to sound emo yet scary at the same time with dueling male and female vocals with screams and growls popping up all over. As you should already know these comps feature exclusively unreleased tracks and are well worth your money. I should say something bad about this, otherwise everyone's going to think I'm on the Deep Elm payroll!" - Waxface

"Any one of the songs on The Emo Diaries Chapter 5: I Guess This Is Goodbye would prove to be an excellent background score for any motion picture about failed relationships. You can almost see the doors being slammed in faces, or the quintessential two in the morning, drunk and screaming in the front yard final argument. All of the bands are undeniably punchy, strong and drenched in emotional sweat. Most are a brilliant coupling of intensity and pain and are strongly fueled by suggestively heart felt lyrical content. Standouts include Sunfactor with an almost perfectly crafted power pop anthem, The White Octave's Looking Past Sky and its crushingly compact anger driven bass riff and stabbingly strong guitars and The Walt Lariat with one of the greatest insomnia songs ever written." - Salt For Slugs


released October 24, 2000


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