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Chapter 4: An Ocean Of Doubt

by The Emo Diaries

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explain the reason why. why that my ships lost in the night. you ask the question sigh. why my chains broke and out of sight. over now. drown in a sea. that you can. regretfully hate me. my eyes are blind. as their size. i've seen the lies. because of where you stuck me. eyes are blind. i see the lies. i ask to fall. because of where you stuck me
these vacant hands. wanted only to hold you. your tired soul. unfolding from the inside out. you opened up your heart. and let it go. consumed with all the drama. and it shows. still taking a lifetime. isn't it funny. how much we learn about ourselves. when it rains. it pours. and i hear breathing is involuntary. so someone keep reminding me. follow. i let you down. make a wish
she always cuts me open. and wraps me up again. when i madly miss her. she sees me as a friend. it's got to end. when i'm extremely out there. she's my super girl. it's a fantasy of her hand. it's the chemistry of her hair. you could never find her. it doesn't matter how you try. you could never recognize her. in all the faces passing by. when i close my eyes at night. she says. but she's never been in sight. so say so say. is there something i can do. since she never seems to look the same. when i put her in a frame. so say so say. is there someone who would do like you. it's the fantasy of her hand. it's the fantasy of her. i never felt more parted. from these boring scenes. that take place before me. i don't know what it means. in my dreams. i'm extremely out there. with my supergirl
sympathetic. control me effortlessly. a dim projection. once again my memory fails. and i regret this toll of wasted honesty. so i pull back and leave you here. when things fall down. i will not be another shoulder. decide once and for all. i will not be another shoulder. so i try too hard. you tell me. i can only bleed this way. but with all your strength to mock me. i may never lift my head again. never feel the same again. when things fall down. i will not be another shoulder. decide once and for all. i will not be another shoulder. deeply embedded. in spite of everything i've said. i wont forget this. completely blinded by the cold shock of running aground. i will not be another shoulder
saw this stain in your skin. i'm not the first to see. my finger caress. is far from disclosing its origin. you hold on unfairness so tight. that regret is just another word. stay close. it's the only thing that remains. taking for granted is a rolling snowball .that time won't deflect but blow. you kept assuring you had been beaten. i thought it was your clumsy behaviors guilt. self-made injury
this is worth it's weight in words. to give in now would be absurd. so keep your retractions to yourself. this plays upon my sympathies. i shouldn't have come i know i should leave. but they said. but they said i should see this for myself. and now these are severing. and i was saving everything. can't believe i believed. i believed that it might help. making amends. seems so far out of hand. still holding strong to where we stand. most of lost all sight of how we ever felt. your getting even. getting ready to fight. gotten smug. gotten ugly and lost all sense of pride. and i'm forgetting. forgetting why i wanted to cry. i'm still waiting on a day when no hearts would die
so many miles away. but i'd walk them all. if i knew it would help at all. state of nothingness over telephone. twenty1 is carved in bone. this poor soul wants to go home. home is your smile. eyes two arms and soul. take the sun down. leave it on the floor. so many miles away. but i'd walk them all. if i knew it would help at all. insomnia and me. on a swim too deep. restless eyes could use some sleep. so many miles away. twenty1's her name
i took what i wanted. but i can't have what i want. balled up or sprawled out. flame on the seat of the couch. seemingly intangible. i cup it. rekindle it. and ward the wind. we clicked and i clicked. i pointed. squinted and pulled. and i can never take it back. i live in this heat. i freeze in its warmth. i can't win
welcome to landmass. or take a good day. any day you like. in picking locks. they're all the same. rolled to one. crossing lines at a time. collecting and connected. to the outside i left behind. in a sense. we never went anywhere special at least. you build the fire. and i'll burn the food. after all what did we learn. a crossing that links lines left at a time. dates and times and sets and places. tracing lines on aging faces. shot down if you call me up tonight. with liberty song in rhyming tongue
now it seems. like she cares. she had my hear tripping for her. but i already have another. for my times of being up and being low. while you break me. i feel the pressure. of the one whose pride has gone. so damn far. always expect the worst from living. refusing every compromise. and you're the one who gets despised. and out of sight. i was there breaking down. wondered why. but as i walk around. i ain't wasting any thought for her. you know at the end. all those senseless words make perfect sense. i've lived a life. in which serious things meant shit. getting old and i can't complain. when serious things mean shit
she wears the brightest smile. but there's the sadness in her eyes. she longs to believe the things. her parents say are lies. and she knows she doesn't want to be. daddy's little girl. when there's so much life outside. of her little world. and she longs to see the side of life. she's only read about. the city lights are waiting. on the other side of town. and she can't believe the things. she's seen since she made a pact. with herself to run away


"Deep Elm's fourth showcase of all-things emotional is just as good as its predecessors, if not better. The emo-core movement has taken its fair share of stick for emerging as the 'new man' of the hardcore genre. However, there is no time for any teary-eyed introspection here, as Five Speed tear through 'What's Our Dilemma' with tight riffing a la Shades Apart, while Sweden's coolly-monickered Keystone Sinatra bring to mind a youthful Quicksand, which is no bad thing. The UK contingent is represented with Spy versus Spy's impassioned 'Set The Spokes Alight.' An inspiring case of geek rock turned all the way up to 11." - Kerrang

"All bullsh*t aside, there isn't one thing that I've heard from Deep Elm that I didn't like, and their Emo Diaries compilation series is right at the top of the heap. It's an accomplishment to put out one compilation disc that is well-rounded and cohesive, let alone a whole series of them. Chapter Four, An Ocean Of Doubt, lives up to the same standards that Deep Elm had set forth with the other chapters. I might even say that this is my favorite (it's damn hard to choose though). You don't even have to worry about skipping, because this thing is great from start to finish and never goes stale. It's a deluge of shimmering noise, raw emotion, infectious melody and just plain high quality stuff the like of which I've come to expect from Deep Elm. I'm gonna wear this one out, blasting it during those still lazy summer afternoons, guzzling iced tea and waiting for the next chapter to come out." - Space City Rock

"Deep Elm has been releasing these compilations for some time, and they stick to a basic formula - unreleased tracks only, and they listen to the songs without knowing who the bands are. So, to say the least, it's an unpretentious compilation, where small bands are billed as highly as big ones. And to be honest, that's how it should be. Suffice to say, any compilation that starts (in Chapter One) with Jimmy Eat World and the almighty Samiam, has a tough act to follow. But later compilations have included Pop Unknown, Appleseed Cast, Starmarket and my new favorite band, Planes Mistaken for Stars. So they definitely do not disappoint. Chapter Four starts with a bang - a track by Fine Speed, called Dilemma. And believe me, it sets the stage for a diverse album. That track alone has enough dynamics to make the Pixies go home, pack it up, and start writing crappy solo albums. Other highlights include...well...every damn track on the record. Spy Versus Spy, Keystone Sinatra and Flux Capacitor don't just have great names, but have managed some true feats of musicianship. Emo, to me, is music that can stick a screwdriver between your ribs, and simultaneously lull you to sleep. Usually in the same song. These bands have it down. No Sunny Day Real Estate rip-off bands, but pure, primal, genuine emotion. Don't be surprised if you haven't heard of most of the bands on this compilation. But I'd be surprised if you don't soon." - Punk News



released September 28, 1999


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